“BRAG: The number one reason I hear that women will swipe left to attractive guys is when their profile screams that they are a cocky douchebag.”
“BE CYNICAL: What I mean by this, is basically dissing Tinder and the fact that you are using it. Imagine if you went to a speed dating event, and the first thing you said to all of your dates was: ‘I wish I weren’t here, my friends signed me up…’.”
“BE DEMANDING: Don’t scare off potential suitors by explaining what kinds of girls you usually date, or how you don’t date women under 5’5”. Grow up.”
Is online dating just a game?
After all this, I set my preferences to both men and women, started swiping, then left my phone for a couple of days, like a farmer waiting for harvest.
To no surprise, I came back to 47 male matches and three female matches, proving my assumption that women swipe with a more discerning eye.
According to Louis Farfields of TextGods (again… wow) the worst way to start a Tinder conversation is with the word ‘hey’.
“Matching with a cutie only to scare her off with the first text freakin’ HURT… ‘Why would “Hey” scare her off? It’s so non-threatening.’ Let me tell you bro: It means you likely aren’t creative; you didn’t really check out her photos and bio and most importantly ‘hey’ forces her to put in the effort…”
“Don’t ask [them] out in the first text: It communicates that you only want [them] for their looks, you have low standards and are probably desperate for attention and you’re probably not good with [seduction].”
Right off the bat, I can tell you that none of the women replied. They couldn’t make it past Aiden’s (granted, awful) outer shell and get to the person behind it; me, a guy writing an article for an online magazine.
The men, however, reacted quite differently. All took well to Aiden’s profile, with none of them making really any reference to it, and all of my dumb messages got some sort of response. To cap it off, some guys, ignoring any and all red flags, messaged me first, one guy even complimented my fish. So, what does all this mean? What have we learned?
Sorry to say it, I really didn’t want this to be the case, but it is definitely a game. Not since high school have I ever had this much trouble getting a woman to talk to me. I had absolutely no chance. If you want girls to like you online, figure out the rules and follow them, because whatever Aiden was doing did him no favours at all.
And, even though the men were more responsive, their willingness to completely dismiss my shitty profile and my poor attempts at flirting offered a different feeling of hollowness than being full-blown ignored; like I could have done and said anything, and it wouldn’t have mattered.
- The internet has turned romance into a sick game of chess in which we are both the players and the pawns, locked into an endless battle in anonymous gay hookup which everyone loses.
- True love doesn’t exist, nothing is real. We’re all going to die alone, swiping and matching forever until the ice caps melt and drown us all.
- If you put a fish in your profile photo, at least one person will compliment it.
If I’m being honest, had I stayed in the realm of strict heterosexuality, there would have been no article to write
Now that the photos had been chosen, I needed to create the bio and Steve Morley of Dudehack (wow) showed me the way. Here are a few of his ‘don’ts’.